"Something terrible has happened." The tense voice belonged to my friend, who was calling from across the country. "Yesterday our pastor left his wife and ran off with another woman."

I was sad, but not shocked or even surprised. I've heard the same story too many times to ever be surprised again. Much as we hate to admit it, the evangelical landscape is littered with the carcasses of lives decimated by sexual sin. Most of us can name several, and some dozens of Christian men and women whose lives and witness have eroded because of sexual sin. The conclusion is sobering and the implications far-reaching: there is among Christians, including Christians in ministry, a moral epidemic of enormous and frightening proportions.

This revelation is like a bucket of cold water thrown in our face. We can no longer deny the reality of moral weakness among those who serve Christ. If we do not reclaim this lost ground, today's church and its leadership are destined to spiritual impotence. Why? Because an unholy world will never be won to Christ by an unholy church.

There are two ways to respond to a perilous ledge where people keep falling fifty feet to the ground below. One is to position ambulances and paramedics at the bottom. Another is to post warning signs and build a railing at the top. What we lack, and need desperately, are clear preventative measures. What follows are a number of practical steps for cultivating sexual purity and resisting sexual temptation.

Take Time to Cultivate Your Inner Life

Often those who have committed sexual sin have neglected in previous weeks or months or years the regular practices of meditation, worship, and prayer. In doing so, they have forgone the healthy self-examination these spiritual disciplines foster. In our busyness we can neglect the care and feeding of our own souls. The battle for sexual purity is won or lost not just in the noisy trenches of the world's temptations, but at home, in quietness, on our knees.

An over-full schedule and constant activity erode the soul. Busyness wears down our ability to hear, to listen to the promptings and warning signals of God's Spirit, his Word and his people. Fatigue becomes disorienting, and it makes us oblivious to what's really happening to us.

Time with God is not merely a means to the end of purity, but is an end in itself. It is not a pragmatic instrument we use to resist immorality, but the fountain from which holiness flows.

Guard Your Mind

A Christian lay leader once told me, "I fell into this adulterous relationship without warning. It came out of the clear blue sky." As I asked him questions, it became clear that he had actually cultivated a mind for immorality. His choices to feed his mind on immoral images made him an adulterer just waiting for an adulteress to come along.

Sexual sin never comes out of the clear blue sky. We do not fall into immorality. We walk into it. It is often the result of a long process in which a mind susceptible to sin is granted unguarded exposure to immoral input.

"Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny." Our thoughts are the fabric with which we weave our character and destiny. We must actively fight off thoughts of impurity. But the key to doing this is not simply saying, "I will not lust, I will not lust"—that often has the same effect as saying, "I will not think of purple elephants." We must cultivate our hearts and minds with what is godly and pure. These better thoughts will displace the others (Phil. 4:8).

We can't avoid all sexual stimuli, but we can keep them from taking root in us. In Martin Luther's terms, "You can't keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair." I like to put it another way: "If you're on a diet, don't go in a doughnut shop." Stay away from the magazine racks, video stores, advertisements, programs, images, people and places that tempt you to lust. "Flee from sexual immorality" (1 Cor. 6:18).

If internet access leads you into viewing pornography, cut it off. The Bible doesn't command us to have internet access. It does command us to be sexually pure: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thess. 4:3). Jesus made clear that immorality starts not in our bodies but in our minds: "I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt. 5:28). He goes on to say we should deal radically with sin and temptation, cutting them off, not ignoring or making room for them.

Our first duty is not to resist but to run. Scripture puts it emphatically: "Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way" (Prov. 4:14-15). How much more emphatic could God be?

Take Precautions with the Opposite Sex

We need to be careful where, when, and why we meet with those of the opposite sex. Do you look forward in a special way to your appointments with this person? Do you cancel appointments with others to meet with her? Do you prefer that your coworkers not know you are meeting him again? Or do you feel flattered when seen with him in public? Any of these can be warning of an improper relationship.

If you choose to be alone with those of the opposite sex, burst the illusory bubble that you are alone and unaccountable: for instance, have your office near main foot traffic areas, keep your office door ajar, or have a small window installed in your door.

Discern the Subtle Signs of Attraction

We must develop an early detection system, to spot moral danger before we are too deeply entrenched in it. Remember: A relationship can be sexual long before it becomes erotic. Just because I'm not touching a woman or just because I'm not fantasizing erotic encounters with her, does not mean I am not becoming sexually involved with her. Often the erotic comes at the end of sexual attraction. In my experience, many Christians end up in bed with someone not just to gratify a sexual urge but because they believe they've come to really love the person.

Anticipate and Prevent Sexual Temptations

It is always easier to avoid sexual temptation than to resist it. As Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife, so we must get away from the lures, baits, and hooks of impurity. When it comes to sexual temptation, God says be a coward (1 Cor. 6:18).

Those who travel in their careers are often subjected to considerable sexual temptation. Home, family, and community provide certain natural restraints that are removed while traveling (and, unfortunately, some travel so much precisely because their home lives are unhappy). Anonymity and leisure time spell catastrophe for the weak, struggling, lonely and hurting.

When I spoke at a men's conference, I asked several of the men who travel to stand up and share what steps they had found helpful in resisting sexual temptation. One man who travels extensively told us that for years his spiritual life had been stifled by habit. He would stay in the same hotel three or four days, and late at night when he was lonely and bored, he would turn on the television and watch immoral movies. After years of losing this battle, he did something about it:

Whenever I check into my hotel, I ask them at the front desk to please remove the television from my room. Invariably they look at me like I'm crazy, then say, ‘But sir, if you don't want to watch it, you don't have to turn it on.' Since I'm a paying customer, I politely insist, and I've never once been refused. Immorality is no longer just one push of a button away. Having the television removed has been my way of saying, ‘I'm serious about this, Lord.' I've done this now for a year, and it's been the key to victory against impurity."

This man taught us a great principle: In moments of strength, make decisions that will prevent temptation in moments of weakness. Anticipating temptation and choosing to avoid it is often the key to fulfilling a contract of purity: "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl" (Job 31:1).

Cultivate and Guard Your Marriage

Communication is crucial. Every adultery begins with a deception, and most deceptions be-gin with seemingly innocent secrets ("she doesn't need to know this"). If you're married, regularly evaluate your relationship with your spouse. Watch for the red flags of discontentment, weak communication, and a poor sexual relationship.

The truth is that even Christian marriages can become filled with resentment, boredom, or hurt. This makes us more vulnerable to the intrigue and excitement of a new person. The answer, however, is not a new person, but a fresh appreciation of the "old" person. Boredom can be overcome, and attraction can be rekindled.

Sometimes our marriage problems need assistance from the outside. Yet many Christians are too proud to ask for help. They stubbornly refuse to admit their struggles until after they fall into immorality. If your marriage or personal life is faltering, get help now before greater damage is done. The short-term cost of swallowing pride is far less than the long-term cost of not doing so.

Share Regularly with Those Who
Hold You Accountable

Lust thrives on secrecy. Nothing defuses lust so effectively as exposure, yet nothing is talked about more and done less than "being accountable." To combat this tendency towards isolation, I started two accountability groups, one with three other pastors on a Tuesday afternoon and one with four laymen on a Saturday morning. We begin each week with a passage of Scripture we'd memorized. Then each of us in turn answers several key questions:

• How's your relationship with God?
• How's your relationship with your spouse? (Or the person you're seeing regularly.)
• How's your relationship with your children?
• What temptations are you facing, and how are you dealing with them?
• How has your thought life been this week?
• Have you been spending regular time in the Word and prayer?
• Who have you been sharing the gospel with?
• In your answers to any of the previous questions, have you lied?
• How can we pray for you and help you?

After just a few of these meetings, men in both groups expressed that this was the most meaningful ninety minutes of their week. For some it was the first time a brother in Christ had ever asked them these questions. One said, "Why for so many years have we talked about sports and hunting and business and everything else under the sun, and not talked about the most important part of our lives?" Another said, "I've gotten to know you men in one month in a way I don't know people I've been with for ten years." Our key verse is Proverbs 27:17: "As iron sharpens irons, so one man sharpens another"—and we have seen its reality over and over again.

Even simple and spontaneous attempts at accountability can produce amazing results. Once I was undergoing hours of sexual temptation, and finally I called a brother I was to have breakfast with the next morning. I said, "Please pray for me, and promise to ask me tomorrow morning what I did." He agreed. The moment I put down the phone, the temptation was gone. Why? I'd like to say it was because I'm so spiritual, but the truth is there was no way I was going to face my friend the next morning and have to tell him I'd sinned! If this is a crutch, then fine. When it comes to battling temptation, I for one need all the help I can get!

Be Quick to Confess and Repent

We must keep short accounts with God. When we sin, we must confess it now. Other-wise, we'll become desensitized to it and be able to go one step further next time before our dulled conscience objects. Delayed confession is the next worse thing to no confession. "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy" (Prov. 28:13).

All sins should be confessed to God, and some to others—"confess your sins to each other and pray for each other" (James 5:16). Whether or not a sin is confessed to others, and if so to whom, is dependent on who is affected by the sin, who is aware or suspicious of the sin, and who is in a position to help avoid repeating the sin. Any Christian's immorality has a significant effect on the whole body or organization (1 Cor. 5:6). If others have been aware of my sin, they may have been hurt by it or even worse, desensitized to sin themselves. When a sin is public, then it is appropriate that confession should be public.

While my spouse may be unaware of my sin, she has nonetheless been deeply affected by it. If I do not confess it, I cheat her twice: first in the sin itself, and second by not allowing her to forgive me or respond in the way she chooses. If I have violated my marriage vows, it is she who must decide if she will forgive me. Anyone who lives in fear that his spouse will someday discover the truth is not living as God would have him live.

Count the Cost of Immorality

Some years ago my friend Alan Hlavka and I each developed a list of all the specific consequences we could think of that would result from our immorality. The lists were devastating, and to us they spoke more powerfully than any sermon or article on the subject.

Periodically, especially when traveling or when in a time of temptation or weakness, we would read through this list. In a personal and tangible way it brings home God's inviolate law of choice and consequence. It cuts through the fog of rationalization and fills our hearts with the healthy, motivating fear of God. We found that when we begin to think unclearly, reviewing this list yanked us back to reality and the need to fear God and the consequences of sin, thereby encouraging us to refocus on the Lord and take steps of wisdom and purity that can keep us from falling. (While I rarely look at this list now, it's only because it's written indelibly on my brain!) :

• Dragging Christ's reputation into the mud.
• Having to one day look Jesus in the face at the judgment seat and tell why I did it.
• Untold hurt to Nanci, my best friend and loyal wife.
• Loss of Nanci's respect and trust.
• The possibility that I could lose my wife and my children forever.
• Hurt to and loss of credibility with my beloved daughters, Karina and Angie. ("Why listen to a man who betrayed Mom and us?")
• Shame to my family.
• Shame and hurt to my church and friends, and especially those I've led to Christ and discipled. (List names.)
• An irretrievable loss of years of witnessing to my father.
• Bringing great pleasure to Satan, God's enemy.
• Possibly contracting a sexually transmitted disease (gonorrhea, herpes or AIDS), passing on the disease to Nanci, pregnancy (with its long-term
• personal and financial implications).
• Loss of self-respect, discrediting my own name, and invoking shame and lifelong embarrassment upon myself.

This is far less than half of the items from my list. If only we would rehearse in advance the ugly and overwhelming consequences of immorality, we would be far more prone to avoid it.

Winning the Battle

In J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, there was no one more seemingly invincible than Smaug, the mighty dragon. But unknown to him, there was one small chink in the armor of Smaug's underbelly. That was all it took for Bard the hunter, a skilled marksman, to seal the doom of the presumptuous dragon. Unaware of his weakness and underestimating his opponents, Smaug failed to protect himself. Bard's arrow pierced his heart, and the lake people were saved.

Satan knows only too well the chinks in the armor of the most mighty Christian warriors—not to mention the rest of us! He isn't one to waste his arrows, bouncing them harmlessly off the strongest plates of our spiritual armor. His aim is deadly and it is at our points of greatest vulnerability that he will most certainly attack.

As I take a hard look at myself and my brothers and sisters in Christ, sometimes I'm alarmed at what I see. Some of us have grown presumptuous and morally soft. At times we are frighteningly weak in our exercise of sexual purity. We watch and listen to and are amused by suggestiveness and immorality, and we subtly adopt the world's values instead of the Word's. We begin thinking like the world—no wonder we end up acting like it.

It is time to take a close look at our minds, our speech, and our actions. Like the Greek warrior Achilles, we may appear unassailable to ourselves or to the many who respect us, but one arrow to our heel proves otherwise. Think honestly and carefully—is susceptibility to sexual impurity your Achilles' heel? Is it the chink in your armor? If so, following the guidelines of this article may be more than a nice precaution—it may actually save your life, family, and ministry from ruin.

We are in a battle far more fierce and strategic than any Alexander or Napoleon ever fought. No one prepares for a battle he isn't aware of, and no one wins a battle he doesn't prepare for.

Adapted from Sexual Temptation. Used by permission of the author.

Check out www.CovenantEyes.com as a practical resource for internet accountability.