For Those Who Grieve

Grief is personal, so what helps one person may not help another. Still, there are some things that are important to remember when encouraging grieving friends:

Recognize the time for weeping. Pain comes, and we must make room for it. Anyone who has suffered loss knows that there's nothing predictable about the flow of emotions. This can be especially true in the early hours, days, or weeks after someone dies, but even months later something can trigger emotions causing grief to resurface with surprising intensity. Grief observes no schedule and is rarely convenient.

Beware of being a "fixer." People mean well when they address someone in grief. They want to help, to make their friend feel better. But sometimes words simply fail. A loving touch, a warm embrace, a cup of cold water often accomplishes more than advice ever could.

Share memories. At appropriate times it is fitting and helpful to share with the grieving our memories of their deceased loved one. Whether our memories elicit tears or laughter, it will mean a great deal simply that we remember them.

Understand the need to be alone. Grievers sometimes need company and sometimes need to be alone. If we're uncertain whether our grieving friend wants company or not, it's best simply to ask. They'll appreciate our concern and know that we care enough to adapt, as best we can, to their needs.

Stay connected. There is usually an outpouring of love and support when a person dies. It can be unnerving to a griever when caregivers begin returning to their own lives. Hopefully a few close friends will stay connected. This doesn't mean that we always have to be physically present—just being on call if a friend wants to talk or needs help making a decision might be all the reassurance they need.



Tim Grissom is the Senior Editor for FamilyLife Publishing in Little Rock, Arkansas. In 1999 his wife died at age 41 of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). For more of his thoughts to the grieving, visit his website at www.HurtingForward.com.