Real World: Tired of Trying

A middle-aged mom has stopped feeling passion for Christ or for holiness. So many years of defeat and loneliness in her Christian journey have pushed her to the edge of giving up.

The Scenario

I'm well aware that I should be holy, that I should seek God above all else, that I should, I should, I should . . . But I've gone down that road. I've tried really hard to do right and to be right. Yet for all these efforts, I still feel like I'm making little or no headway with my kids—they seem to be on the wrong road. And my husband? He'd rather watch sports and play video games than address the serious issues of our lives. I don't see a way out of this, and it doesn't seem like God is going to answer my prayers for change or revival, or even for a little joy.

What have I missed here? I'm afraid my heart is getting hard. The things I used to care so much about—confessing my sins, reading my Bible, sharing my faith—I guess I'm tired of having to worry about it. Tired. Maybe that's a good word to describe this. I'm tired of trying, tired of being good, tired of playing the part.


Nothing Wasted

I have a dear Christian friend whose husband left her for another woman, after more than 40 years of marriage. Understandably, it left her with some soul-searching questions: "Has my life been based on a lie? Is this what I have to show for a lifetime of commitment? Were decades of loving and sacrificing wasted?"

I bring this up not to compare your pain with hers. Each is excruciating in its own right. Rather, I want to simply acknowledge that uncontrollable or negative outcomes test our faith more than anything else. You are basically asking the question, "If I continue loving and giving and sacrificing, and I don't see the outcomes for which I hoped, will it be worth it?"

The apostle Peter speaks directly to this issue. He talks about the most beautiful woman in the world—a woman who perseveres through suffering because of her love for Christ (1 Pet. 3:1-6). He says this kind of beauty is never wasted because God sees it and cherishes it. But it is also so powerful that the best hope hard-hearted husbands and kids have for salvation comes through her.

What my friend can't see right now because of her extreme pain is the incredible woman she has become. She is gentle, loving, persevering. She is beautiful. God sees it. Her friends see it. Even strangers have stopped to ask her about it. Her husband may never repent, but "wasted love"? In the way of Jesus, there is no such thing.


Del Fehsenfeld was trained as a family counselor and is the Senior Editor for Life Action Ministries.


The Key to Living

I don't want to be trite or "cute" with my counsel, but it seems you have "I" trouble. I hear over and over in your frustration the word "I." The Christian life isn't hard—it's impossible—when I try to live it. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Christ, in the person of the Holy Spirit, has taken up residence within us. We have the privilege of allowing the indwelling Christ to empower us and live through us. So the Christian should stop "trying" and let Christ do the living.

Right now cry out to God with your need. Tell Him you're tired. Tell Him you recognize that you're not very strong. But acknowledge that He is all-powerful and there is nothing He can't handle. Then watch Him respond to you by giving you both the desire and power (Phil. 2:13) for daily living.

Then our impossible life becomes, like a friend of mine says, HIMpossible. This is the key to living the abundant life Christ died to provide.


Wilson Green pastored for 21 years in Virginia and Illinois before joining Life Action in 1999. He currently co-leads a Life Action summit team.



Remember Jesus

So many of us feel like you do. Alone, guilty, apathetic, frustrated. During a trial like this, it's easy to think that God has abandoned us. We wonder if it's because we've done something wrong, especially because when we recommit ourselves to "being good," we quickly find ourselves right back where we started.

You see, Christians aren't meant to spend their lives focusing on what they should do. They're meant to focus on what Jesus has already done for them. When we think we have already understood everything the gospel has to say to us, our focus will inevitably shift to ourselves and our performance instead of Christ's perfect life and death in our place. And this shift will do two things: It will rob us of love, the only motive powerful enough to engender true obedience, and it will make us demanding of ourselves and others.

But when we remember what the gospel teaches us, that we are sinful and flawed yet loved and welcomed, our focus will get back to where it should be—on Jesus. Those who live in the light of God's great love for us in Christ will be impelled to worship God and to serve others because of what He's already done for them. And then our life will be transformed from what we "should" do to what we love to do. The difference is Jesus.


Elyse Fitzpatrick has been a counselor since 1989. She is the author of over a dozen books, including Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety (Harvest House, 2001).

Advice

1. Make a habit of reading and praying through at least one psalm each day. Allow the passion of the passages to be reflected in your own prayers to your Father.

2. Win your husband over by serving him selflessly. As difficult as it may seem to serve someone who doesn't appear to grasp what you are doing, serve anyway. This is precisely what Jesus did for us, and it may be the best way to change your husband's attitude.

3. Get plugged in to a women's Bible study or small group. If you're going to stay strong, you'll need the encouragement and friendship of godly women. According to Hebrews 3:12-13, the "hardening" of heart you feel is a direct result of a lack of spiritual, encouraging relationships with other believers.

4. Go on a mission trip. Without exposure to the desperate needs of the world, our own issues can feel overwhelming and discouraging. Leaving the norms of daily life to become a servant to others might refresh your passion for Christ and His kingdom. (Take your husband along!)

5. Ask a mature Christian woman to become your mentor. Having someone to share your heart with, and who can guide you forward on your spiritual journey, will keep you motivated to stay faithful. You could ask your pastor for a recommendation.