Hard Pressed, But Not Crushed

"You know better than to ask me that, Dan." That's the wry reply I've gotten on several occasions when I've asked Jeff, "Hey, how's it going?" On his better days, he might retort with a smile, "Terrible. Thanks for bringing it up."

Jeff is one of the kindest, hardest-working guys I know. He loves God, and his commitment to Christ shows in his strong character and selfless service of others. But the last few years have held one dizzying discouragement after the next.

Family relationships have crumbled despite his tireless efforts to salvage them. His job was downsized—and so were his hopes, after a promised job in another field evaporated following months of training. Then he broke his foot and spent weeks on crutches. Recently, his truck broke down. Again.

But with every reason to quit, Jeff's faith somehow remains intact. His heart to serve God beats strong and steady. And while I'd attribute the lion's share of his resilience to the grace of God and the determination of this faithful man, he's told me more than once that he couldn't have made it without the encouragement of other believers at our church.

Most of us know someone like Jeff—people who are in difficult circumstances and facing chronic discouragement. So I thought I'd ask him what has helped the most (and the least) over the past few years, in hopes that his experiences would help the rest of us know how to better LOVE the hurting people in our own lives.

Listen. Jeff said he knows it's unlikely that you or I would have the "right words" that could solve his problems. But a listening ear is far more thirst-quenching to a suffering soul than a whole flood of sound advice. An encourager may need to just let someone vent—even yell or ask God "Why?"—and it's still okay not to have an answer for them.

Open up. It's been critical for Jeff to know that he isn't alone in his trials. But this has required some to be willing to take the initiative to open up their own lives and help carry his burdens. It requires energy and time and sometimes tears. But Scripture is clear. As part of the body of Christ, no believer should suffer alone, because when one part of the body is in pain, the rest of the body is affected (1 Cor. 12:26). For Christians, anguish is a community experience.

Validate pain. To Jeff, one of the most comforting responses is when a person is both honest and present. "I don't know why this is happening to you. I don't know what the answers are, but I'm here for you." Reminders of scriptural promises or personal stories of the love and faithfulness of God in the midst of pain both identify with his suffering and strengthen his faith.

Express care. Finally, Jeff cherishes the many practical expressions of kindness he has received. He is especially grateful for the encouraging notes and cards, some even expressing how his example of patience in suffering has helped others. "When I learn that my trials have uplifted someone else, or that my life has encouraged them to keep holding on during their own difficulty, it doesn't make me feel any better, but it does give me a sense of purpose in what is happening."

For my own part, I've learned to be more sensitive to the pain that many people carry on a daily basis. My friendship with Jeff has taught me that I am "pre-programmed" to ask everyone I meet, "How are you?" without even thinking about my question. Instead, I now say, "Jeff, it's great to see you. What do you have going on today?"

Jeff's journey through rough waters hasn't ended; so ours as a church hasn't either. But along the way, we're learning together what it looks like to "weep with those who weep," to come alongside dear friends like Jeff regardless of what life has in store ... for all of us.



Dan Jarvis is the lead pastor at Weymouth Church in Medina, Ohio, as well as the managing editor of Revive magazine.