I've traveled this road before. Sin, repent, change. Sin, repent, change. Love God, love the world. Love God, love the world. Why will this time be any different?

The Scenario

It's been way too long since I've said this, God: I love You. Yeah, I know it doesn't seem like it. Honestly, I've let You get out of sight, and as a result You've been out of mind for quite some time. Now that I'm in need, I'm coming back. But You see right through that, don't You?

I want to think that You'll hear my prayers and believe me this time—believe me when I say I'm here to stay; that my love for You is more than words, more than me just trying to get something out of You. But You know better than anyone else how quick I've been to desert You, to promise so much and then walk away, back to the world.

Maybe that means we didn't have a real relationship to begin with, I don't know. Maybe I don't even know how to love You. I feel like my vision of Jesus is so clouded, and I focus on a thousand lesser things. Before long, I'm right back where I started, asking You for another chance, another fresh start, another revival.

Do I actually love You? Is any of this real? Do You even believe me when I say that I want to get right, to get back on track, and that somehow things will be different this time?

Del Fehsenfeld

You've discovered the #1 threat to any relationship—it's called "relational drift." The same thing happens in marriage. Couples start out so in love, but the constant and increasing demands of work, kids, and household chores steal their focus. Neither spouse intends to stop investing in their marriage relationship. They just get preoccupied with other things. But the result is the same...a drift into isolation and disconnectedness.

Here are a few suggestions to check drift in your relationship with Jesus:

Mornings and Evenings - Set aside some time at the beginning of your day to tell Jesus you love Him and to discover what He cares about by reading the Bible and praying. Then honor your commitment to focus on Jesus throughout the day by taking a few moments at night to learn from what went well and what didn't.

Minute Retreats - Set your phone to beep at intervals to remind yourself of Jesus; or pick an object you pass regularly to jar your memory. By "interrupting" yourself to focus on Jesus, you will begin to cultivate habits of communion with Him.

Keep the Sabbath - Jesus said (Mark 2:27) that the Sabbath was made for us! Besides physical and emotional replenishment, the process of evaluating your life and recommitting yourself to a Jesus-focused life in the week to come will keep you from drifting for more than a week at a time.

Del Fehsenfeld was trained as a family counselor and is the Senior Editor for Life Action Ministries.

Wilson Green

In your honest and pained prayer to the Lord, you seem so conflicted. I have rarely met a person more miserable than someone professing to be a follower of Christ, yet because they don't know him as Savior and Lord they try to manufacture the relationship they say they enjoy. Now don't get me wrong; I'm not saying your relationship with Christ isn't real—only you and the Lord can know that. But in your prayer you admit, "I don't know."

The letter of 1 John was written specifically to people who weren't sure about their faith, and who needed to verify their love for God. First John 5:13 says, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life." The author presents some practical "tests" of faith and love so that you can evaluate your relationship status with God.

Let me encourage you to read 1 John. If you have a genuine, eternal relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit within will confirm your faith and challenge you to a renewed love for God. And if you've missed something critical along the way, He'll make that plain to you as well.

Wilson Green pastored for 21 years in Virginia and Illinois before joining Life Action in 1999. He currently co-leads a Life Action summit team.

Elyse Fitzpatrick

When our Christianity becomes about us—what we're supposed to do—then every part of it will be burdensome. On the days we think we've done well (when we've "remembered" the Lord, avoided those pesky sins, and read our Bible), we'll think that God really loves us, and we'll fall into pride. Then on the days we fail (when we've "forgotten" the Lord, lost our temper, and can't find our Bible), we'll think that God doesn't love us and that He's sitting up in heaven tapping His celestial toe and waiting for us to get our act together. We fall into despair.

When my relationship with God depends on me rather than on what Jesus Christ has already done for me, then I measure my spiritual life by how well I'm loving Him rather than by what He's done in loving me. We all sense the need to love God more, but the pathway to love for God is soaking our souls in the realities of how He's loved us. That's why John writes, "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

When we remember how He's loved us, and we think of His cross, our hearts are melted once again to strive against our sin. We strive, not because we hope to win His approval, but because we know we already have it. And it's in that rest, that peace and rejoicing, that we find the joy of the Lord that is our strength.

Elyse Fitzpatrick has been a counselor since 1989. She is the author of over a dozen books, including Overcoming Fear, Worry and Anxiety (Harvest House, 2001).

 

Advice

Memorize Matthew 22:36-40. Loving God is a choice—a matter of obedience, not just a feeling.

Read The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer. This Christian classic delves into the riches of God's character and attributes. The more you know God, the more your love and passion for Him can grow.

Start volunteering to serve others. Jesus taught that our acts of service for those in need are really our way of expressing love and care for Him (Matthew 25:34-40). Serving others takes the focus off of ourselves and keeps it in the right place.

Plan a spiritual getaway. If your life is too crowded for your relationship with God, get away from it all! For a few hours or even a few days, leave the house, the office, and the family, and get alone with your Savior. (Visit www.LifeAction.org and search keyword pause to access articles and testimonies on making time for God.)

Build some accountability into your life. Joining a small group Bible study or service team at your church will help you maintain spiritual friendships, which in turn will provide you with ongoing accountability to stay on track.