Thoughts from Being with My Father These Last Days of His Life

Dear Ministry Friends,

A substantial part of my weekend was spent observing (and contemplating) my 96-year-old father in the process of passing from this life to the next. It has been a heart-wrenching experience. We all know that death is not a pretty thing. The frailness. The wasting away. Confusion. Gasping for another breath. One moment clinging to this life and then the next moment grasping for heaven. In my father's case, it will likely be any day now. Sadly, it looks like he is just curling up to die.

The one thing that struck me was how much I will be verbalizing the "abundance of my heart" when those final moments arrive. What I have been thinking about in my heart is what I will be expressing when I have no will power to restrain. My affections. My desires. The truth of our heart has no covering when facing inevitable death.

It was what my father said on Friday evening when we did not know if he would make it through the night that exposed his deepest affections. He asked for all my siblings to come see him. My three brothers, my sister and I, along with our spouses, assembled in his room. I informed my dad we were all now present. I then asked if he had anything he wanted to share with us.

Weak and weary of fighting, he was still able to mumble some words. As I leaned my ear close to his lips, his struggling voice emitted words one might expect to hear from someone who has spent a lifetime loving Jesus.

But my dad did not always love Jesus the way he has the last decade of his life. It was ten years ago today that his dear wife and my precious mother went home to be with the Lord. And it was one month later, in a huge step of obedience in clearing his conscience with his children, that my dad's soul was set free to begin loving Jesus.

That is why what I heard is such a miracle. I am convinced had it not been for his honesty, humility, brokenness, and repentance ten years ago, over a hidden part of his life, he would not have said what he did Friday night.

So what were his final words to his children as they were gathered around? Three sentences. And three urgent reminders.

1. Put Jesus first.
2. I love him with all of my heart.
3. I want to love Him more.

I have been thinking much about these statements, and I have concluded they answer three of life's most important questions:

Question #1 What should be my priorities in life? Being a farmer, my dad did not say to his children, "Farm more acres, milk more cows, work longer hours, buy nicer tractors." He simply said put Jesus first.

Question #2 What should I really love? My dad could have said "I love my family, my church, the things of this world." He did tell each of the children that he loved them, but when it came right down to his final words, it was Jesus he loved with all of his heart.

Question #3 What should I want more than anything else? Interestingly, my dad did not ask us to turn television on, or to read the newspaper to him, or inquire about whether the Cubs clinched their division, or even if Notre Dame was going to win their weekend football game. Those "love affairs" do not matter when eternity matters. It was simply, "I want to love Him more" right now, right this second. Not even wishing he had given Him more, or served Him more . . . but loved Him more.

So what do I make of all this? There is a lot going on at Life Action and in my personal ministry these next seven days. I am scheduled to speak at two pastors' gatherings, a large church on Sunday morning, and a larger gathering Sunday night where hundreds are seeking the Lord for revival. Our teams have had a great weekend of ministry as we were in at least five churches ministering to a couple of thousand people. Five pastor couples are meeting at The Lodge this week, and ROH is in final stages of preparing for the True Woman conference. A lot of seemingly exciting and important things.

Yet, if I cannot answer the eternal questions of life correctly, will all these activities and important events really matter on the day it matters most?

Staff, as we go about the important assignments from the Lord this week, let's not overlook the most important assignment of all . . . loving Him with all our hearts.

I was challenged by David Keesling's following three reminders as I had my quiet time this morning: "The father heart of God passionately searches the earth for those who would be voluntary lovers of His Son. God's heart is ravished by my love. And life is all about Jesus prying open the locked heart of a wounded girl (His bride) so she might have intimacy with Him forever."

Wishing I loved Him more,  

Byron

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